I am not my own today

I wonder if God will ask me how well I heard.  How well I heard the dream that he placed within me and how hard did I really tend to it? Did I assume too often that the world was more important than his faintest whisper?

 

How many days have I wasted, condemning my own ambition because I looked around and couldn’t find one like it?  Because it seemed other worldly and different and it meant something other than main stream and my how many fears this created.  My wasted days.

 

How many others came to me with their ambition for me to light or heart exposed when my own lie in the darkness uncovered and screaming my name?

 

What was the struggle for of unearthing my purpose and grand design to only turn from it when the moment came for me to pick a road, and why did I pick another’s instead of my own?  To love God is to trust him and what if the world needs but has never seen that which he has given to me?

 

How many stories have I written, witnessed and allowed to linger near my own truth so that the black and white became the grey and without vibrancy of color my life faded into barely there?

 

When did I stop dancing or needing to or even hearing the ancient drum pulse in my veins connecting me to all that is?  Why can’t I remember that in dance was sacrifice and spirit escaping my body for that moment of magical divine ecstasy, or the pain I felt when churches denied the spirit to move and teach others to move the way love makes you move?

 

Wake up soul, wake up and remember and respond to the questioning of the divine.  Feel the star dust in your body and the connectedness of others in happiness.  Lay down the rules and the boundaries that provide a realm of disbelief that taunt your imaginings.   When the drum beats and the earth sighs and your body moves, send up this prayer in blissful gratitude, for this rhythm and this flow is sweet to taste and so much belonging.