Snow Dayzzz!

Hello loves! 

Yesterday Mother Nature blessed us with the prettiest snow day ever!  So I'm here sharing some picks of our walk in the snow! 

Here comes the sun!

My back yard!

Bugs not going anywhere! Ha ha

No mail today!

I'm behind those doors, snuggled up by the fire! 

Looking back up my hill. 

My house is hidden by the trees! 

Fluffy snow doesn't last long but it was fun while it lasted! Yah for snow days! 

The circle of Juliet.

Sitting here attempting to rid my mind of thoughts, you swam across my mind in a endless sea of chaotic random knowing.  Feeling compelled to regurgitate the wisdom feeling immediately related afterwards I write this to you both.  

There is a cycle to things and they can be a never ending black hole or they can lead to the growth of more.  This dance you do at the expense of your daughter is not fitting for everyone in the circle.  The circle that I speak of is her circle, her dance, her life. Within this circle she has you, and her father, and her grandmother and grandfather and me maw and cousins and brothers and sisters and me.  She has danced this circle with us her whole life, learned from us all and tasted a little of every heart.  She has joined us all together within this circle. 

Now here she is about create her own life and you and your girlfriend still decide her circle isn’t that important.  You devalue every soul the divine has given her to guide her path.  You assume her path is yours, he assumes the same.  Yet no one, sees her path is her own.  You relive your distaste of fatherhood through her in resentment and bitterness and he looks for himself to be reflected in her eyes.  Your girlfriend takes from life the sweetness of her own fathers memory but denies the importance of his to Juliet in hypocrisy.   In his refusing to accept your lifestyle, you refuse to accept him to his daughter.  The circle continues….

My part in this circle only matters to her and I.  She and I dance together acknowledging the sadness of the others within the circle.  The healing that is needed and the understanding that time is not what we think it is.  Sometimes she pulls close to one of us and other times she faints away.  There are shadows in the circle.  You and your girlfriend swim all around them and often times try to use them to separate her from the others in the circle.  You hope to weaken the circle but not understanding you weaken her path in the process.  You keep her from being confident and strong and able.  Through emotional tug of wars she is pulled apart and learned a way of fear that will forever be hers.  So she goes along and she learns, how to use the shadows to recreate what she has learned.  Then you and your girlfriend and him, y'all look amazed when what she has become is everything that you are.  

All the gifts in tow that you lay at her feet will never measure the character you bestow.  All the fears you cling to of separation will never put her heart at rest, she will run.  I ask myself what if you and your girlfriend really don’t care about this little life and where she's headed.  What if you really don’t want anything but dishonesty and contempt to ooze from her heart.  Then all my words here seem in vain and not even God himself can wake you up to see, your only enemy is within your own heart.  How often the sins of the mother and father get thrown in the lap of the child. The child picks them up and has to learn her own walk and what tools have you supplied her with?  The open mind you swore she would have with the exception of closing it to anyone but you?  The disrespect for her father that you have for your own? How are any of these tools gonna make her heart sing?  How will she find her purpose among all the ashes?  

Release her.  Release her from your hate, your sting.  Release this little one and let her have her wings.  She dreams, such dreams of freedom from this circle.  This circle that was meant to protect and guide and now she finds this circle her cage.  You fight for independence and to be seen to be valued.  How can this be in tearing apart her circle?  There are others in this circle with you, your girlfriend and her father.  I speak for them, for us, that have certain jobs with this little one that no one cares about.  Look through our eyes just once.  Everyone is losing her.  Soon she will fly away.  The one that changes their life , the one that decides the hate must stop, that’s the one… the one that really loved her.  

5 Important Life Questions.

     

     My recent all out search for the proper Yoga training has been filled with endless days of surfing the net.  Each training I come to contains parts that fit and others that just seem like useless worldly babel to take my money.  So the search continues.  Shall it be Hawaii, Florida, Colorado or California?  Yes I seem to have narrowed it down to those few locations.  

     In my search I stumbled upon a subject of interest from years ago that I can still remember thinking, “if I ever had the chance, I would do THAT!”   it is Tibetan Bon Buddhist, YANTRA YOGA.  This particular type of yoga teacher training is very ancient dating back to the 8th century.  How many times have you been to a yoga class and felt like you just didn’t get what you expected on a spiritual level?  No, I’m not Buddhist, but I’m not anything but everything.  I do respect each teaching and feel led in this way.  Yantra Yoga is a combining of asana, breath and chanting.  It uses Sacred Geometry, astrology and numerology in an combined effort toward mystical yoga.  In my research I also stumbled across five amazing questions from a teaching by the Ligmincha Institution, The True Source of Healing.  I started reading about the elements and each question was a light going off, truly an…AHA moment.  

     I know the teachings are buddhist by design but we can loan them to all the parts of our lives and be gifted a wonderful teaching, healing light of truth.  I especially think when these questions are asked regarding our relations with others they can open doors we otherwise would have missed.  I believe our relationships are our purpose.  Relationship to the divine, relationship to our families, friends, places and the world.  We are ultimately  here for each other, like it or not.  In understanding the collective tone, healing relationships should be always a priority.  Here are the questions below.  I only ask that you think upon each one and let it resonate with your heart.  Seek to not blame another, but to know your own soul.  These questions could be asked in relation to anything in your life, not just people, but jobs and places and other areas you might feel a heaviness.  Know that if you answer no to any of the questions, then the opposite probably rings true in your life.  If you can’t connect then you feel lonely, ungrounded, etc…  

Am I able to connect, to feel a part of?  (This is the earth element).

Do I have a sense of ease and comfort? (This is the water element).

Am I enthusiastic and excited about my life? (This is the fire element).

Do I have movement, growth/ Transformation? (This is the air element).

Do I have tensions or feel closed up inside, smothered? (This is the element of space).

I will continue my search and keep you updated when I can.  Love and light to you all.

-xoxo

Teresa Ann

Sending the vibes!

It was a wonderful day today.  I woke up facing the world a little on the sleepy side but aware and with a tiny little spot of excitement in my solar plexus.  I have decided to chase a dream and ever since, seems my spirit has been responding appropriately.  I don't even think I'm really present in the world when my thoughts are so far from here. Every tiny little step I take, removes me even more.

Today, I walked up front to deliver some paperwork to a fellow co-worker and I couldn't stop smiling.  I could actually feel love all around me.  There was no one in particular to credit for this splendid moment.  I just have been meditating and releasing and listening.  I asked for my path to be made clear and a little more narrow so that I might not go this way or that, but hold fast when the obstacles come.   Seems I've been here a million times before, swaying with the winds of change.  This time, it's different.  I'm different.  Love is all about me.

I thought about all the things I love and have been made aware of lately.  I'm constantly amazed at what's being poured out for me and what was always available to me even when I felt most alone.  Here are a few of my realizations.

 Happiness is always a choice away. 

  Sometimes when I see my son smile, I get a little teary-eyed, love running over.

 Still small moments in the morning, gathering my thoughts, a cup of tea.

  High notes on a piano balancing my chakras like a music box, making me feel five yrs. old.

  Courtney walking through the door, her eyes on mine.

  Forgiveness. Bad things come that make you think the love goes away, then forgiveness comes
     and you realize the love didn't go away, it got bigger.

  Knowing I'm most ok in my own skin when I'm near my brother and little sister.  Like medicine.

 Every single answer is inside me.

 The sunshine, oh my word, the sunshine....

 Acting on faith.  It's addicting and amazing to see Gods love for me.

Hope everyone has a good night. I leave you with this sweet song that has always been one of my favorites in my moments of solitude. Sending the vibes! xoxo

Bobcat Medicine and Me

     I thought today I would like to take a vow of silence.  Bow out gracefully from actually speaking to others.  Spend some time with this bobcat in my dreams and let him show me the way.  That’s what he’s there for right?  That’s why he has come?  Dream after dream, night after night, sitting there watching me.  Waiting.  Like any minute I’m gonna either follow him or run the other way.  He makes it seems so easy, peering into the hidden things.  Yet I never seem to know  my ass from a hole in the ground.  His gaze is steady even as the wind touches his whiskers.  One dream he’s screaming at me, the other he’s gently watching.  Either way I’m being haunted, hunted and it’s not for his dinner but his path. Just speak already and let me sleep.  When you came running wildly at me screaming like you were gonna rip me to shreds, appearing in my face every detail and then jumping past me on the path and disappearing up the mountain; were you angry?  Did my feet go the wrong way, down the path in fear instead of up the mountain to follow you?  You are the patient medicine but somehow I feel even you grow impatient with me.  Yet here I am, pulling at others in great faith of facing fears; forgetting that my own debilitate my walk.  What have you to teach me since you keep intruding my dream space?  What hidden message, what fear are you persistently pleading for me to dispel with those yellow eyes?  Today, my heart skipped many beats and for a moment I couldn’t breathe.  I saw your face, this other-wordly wisdom that I think it scares the living hell out of me but calms the course of my blood flow at the same time.  

     I look out my stained small window that only shows a part of the sky.  I remember Juvenile detention and tip toeing  to reach a tiny bit of sun.  It feels much the same.  The only thing different is now I comply.  Now I sit here waiting for the clouds to part in my little window but they never do, day after day.  Once I was made to hold up in a certain space because others said my spirit was too wild and I wasn’t old enough to taste freedom or to know my own way.  What do I really know now, when truth is, the door isn’t locked this time and still here I sit waiting for someones permission to chase the light.  Yes, Mr. Bobcat, I’d be pissed at me too! 

     I would like to blame my plight and my irregular heartbeat on some mixed blood that didn’t/ couldn’t adhere in the same blood cell.  DNA that refused to splice or be consumed properly.  One side hears the native drum and the other far away places on majestic hillsides, bagpipes in the wind.  The native drum gets louder and louder and so loud on somedays, it splits my head into.  Somedays I feel like I can change the world and this tainted blood spilled land here everyone seems so eager to grab.  Then other days come where I step outside my car and I can smell the stench of fear and pain, apathy and material hell that we’ve all created to make ourselves ok with now.  Then the drum beat slows and like an IV stuck in my vein, I’m paralyzed, diseased and bare. All that I need is a little dream.

     I read that the bobcat path infuriates others.  Oh they smile and pat your head and say…”wow, that’s good medicine”.  When all the while not understanding what they hate the most about it.  Can you please just understand I’m not the bobcat.  He’s just chasing me.  If my stride and his meet in the wilderness on the other side of sleep, it will keep me.  Love is the answer for everything in between. peace. 

Hell week.

Hey all my loves!

So it's been a rough few weeks with the work load.  Seeing the light tho, so I'm gonna keep on moving through it.  To help with the winter blahs, blues and stress for the week I've adopted some pretty cool songs.  Posted down below, check them out!  Have a groovy, vibe weekend! xoxo

My Creative Rebellion

     My statement of redefined new-age individual religion.  

I will not go down at the hands of a government insisting they know how to treat my disease with their chemicals and greed.  I will not suppose a church can house my faith yet withhold equality in gender without a mind/body/spirit connection.   I will not allow a popular opinion to seduce my mind and belittle my own thinking until I cannot think for myself at all.  No, you may not use the race card because if you ever truly want prejudice to end instead of punishing, no matter my color or yours or what ancestor did this or that to the other.  Move on, move up in consciousness.  I will respect my elders but I will not carry a single fear-based choice of life reason.  No, I will soar!  I will not look back to the traditions of men but forward to the heavens of eternal divine bliss.  I will clap my hands and I will sing and move my soul to the rhythm that is within me.   I will embrace all that God wants for me, planned for me and desires for me, without labels, poisons, or misinterpreted creeds.  My love will be free and not dictated by this movie or that one or any so called, "superstar".  I will wear my heart well and daily dust off the distractions of this world, the evil doers and the misguided failings of blame and ego.  I will dance in the sunrise and hold the broken.  I am in this world but not of it. 

I am free!