Downloading for the day

THOUGHTS

 It's been kind of a weird past few days being under the weather and all.  I feel a little like my life has stopped, I mean a complete stand still.  It's been good though you know, like I've had time to think and boy, have I thought.

...I've thought about the upcoming winter and how unbearable it seems to me right now.
...about different places and what they must be like and if they know community unlike here.
...I've thought about my faith, my teachings and my family and not all in that order but most in equal depth.
...I've thought about old friends and how I miss them and new friends I'm excited to know.
...I thought about my childhood, the good, bad and in-between.
...I remembered this and that and stuff I thought I forgot and even the stuff I deliberately threw away.
...I have spent time day-dreaming about what it would be like to be this or that or to just change completely and choose fun instead of money.  I thought I might live longer if I did that.
...I thought about Charlie and Jupiter and how God has blessed me with do overs and 2nd chances even when I never thought I would have one.
...I've wondered how to make a smoothie, any smoothie that actually taste good cause I haven't found one yet.
...I've thought about work and the new year and just how will I sit and perform without true love for it or even the slightest passion.
....I think about the audio book I'm listening to in my car on Grace and how my name means "harvester of Grace", how I know I don't deserve it but I can see it throughout all of my life.  How my mama thought she was naming me after a soap opera star but the good Lord said different.  That tickles me a bit.
...I think about how torn I am sometimes between the world of yoga and the world of christianity.  Feeling so deep down like I struggle to really understand my moments with God without yoga.  I just don't get the boundaries people put on the traditions of men and call them all of God.  When I move and breathe and let go, he is all around me.
...I think about my sisters out in the world doing their own thing, fighting through life and choosing so many things other than family.  Makes me wonder how many people needed or wanted me in their life that I just threw away, based on how much I need my sisters in mine. It definitely makes me think twice about the needs of others and giving of myself seems the least I can do.
...about how Justin laughs when he gets so tickled and that may be the one thing about him that has never ever changed since being born.
...where will I end up and what will I be doing and at this very moment am I ok, really ok?  All the loneliness in the world isn't covered by love but only by Grace...

-xoxo

Teresa Ann

15 minutes inside my head

Lord don't let him fall, you promised. 

 No sunshine again today.

  How healing comes along the way.  

Audit in two weeks, it's all ok.  

New friends and how to give.

  Charleston, SC next travel spot. 

 Charlie and the groomers, his fear.  

My brothers birthday, I'm glad he was born. 

 My sisters birthday coming up and I wish she was present more. 

 Childhood in Chatsworth, seemed to be more sunshine then.  

Getting the house ready. 

Juliet and her first boyfriend Jonathan.  

Why can't people just let things go?

  Anything you hang on to takes root.  

My future, my purpose, lots of words in my head today. 

 No boundaries, transparent.  

Need to make something beautiful.  

Wonder how cold it will be this winter.  

Ready for a life change.  

What should I have for lunch? 

 Reflexology article today, pinched my big toe and felt it in my temples, ok, I'm a believer. 

 Reiki music to help direct my will, surrounding Justin. 

 Grateful for just about everything. 

 What should I blog today?  

In my solitude I am free. 

 JCs amazing strength and determination. 

 These babies look to me for strength but It's me who wants to be just like them.

  I hear you Lord, keep talking. 

 So proud of Haley.  

What are people really made of besides what the world tells them they are?

  I need flowers for my office. 

 At least it's Friday. 

 Be brave bug, you got your whole life ahead of you. 

 She's more me than she knows. 

Hope my mama is good. 

 I would get off fb completely, but people I love need prayer.  

Where are my transits today? 

 The connectedness of everything.  

Circles.  I need a yoga class. 

 Funny joke to lighten my mood, ha ha.  

Maybe I'll see a movie to escape for a minute.

  I'm not crazy, just Mercury is dancing with me today.  

I work with some really good people.  

Why can't the ladies remember the sisterhood more? 

 I need to hold up in my kitchen and create.

  My niece Amy has no idea how often I think of her and her baby.

  Smile Tess, God loves you.  Sticky notes with hearts all over them.  

New book by Paulo Coelho is out, I need to read it.  

Where do all the days go and why can't I just measure them in moments and not days? 

He's always gonna be my baby first. 

Maybe Panera bread for lunch and help, someone get me out of my head.  

Random

     I got to my office yesterday morning and sometime between coffee and email, a steady stream of random thoughts nearly drowned me.  I found myself sitting there refusing to move a muscle until every last drop of my coffee was gone or until Jesus comes back, preferably the latter.  I would like to think it's the weather or hum drum routine of tedious details that have no meaning to me whatsoever these days.  All in all, some of my thoughts I jotted down in mindless, unthinkable robotic order.  With a million swirlies and hearts of course!   I thought you guys would like a view into my thoughts.  After reading it back this evening, makes more sense by the second.  I totally get it...  

"I need to experiment with animal prints - leopard - cheetah, ha ha.  Maybe start of with lingerie or a hand bag.  I somehow fashioned animal prints to the unspeakable slutty side of females but it's OK to embrace our inner slut in intimate moments.  I somehow feel cheated out of this part of myself." 

I look around, "when did I stop burning candles and filling my environment with beauty?  Jesus, Teresa Ann!!!

"This lifetime is definitely a harder one.  More exciting but heck, where is that masseuse when I need one?"

"Some people notice punctuation or if something is off center.  Me..I'm just over here like, "is it shiny?"

"My word, if only my thoughts right now could somehow penetrate the surrounding energy and push it so far away you would need a space shuttle to reach me." 

I will always be proud of coming from the south but damn, don't let me die here!

Three minutes left, hey, I had two pink pens in my holder, now there's just one!  What evil bastard took my pink pen?  

Then, just at the last drop of coffee, I snapped out of it, told the Good Lord I love him and please forgive that unattended moment of mercury overload, now lets get to work!