Sitting here attempting to rid my mind of thoughts, you swam across my mind in a endless sea of chaotic random knowing. Feeling compelled to regurgitate the wisdom feeling immediately related afterwards I write this to you both.
There is a cycle to things and they can be a never ending black hole or they can lead to the growth of more. This dance you do at the expense of your daughter is not fitting for everyone in the circle. The circle that I speak of is her circle, her dance, her life. Within this circle she has you, and her father, and her grandmother and grandfather and me maw and cousins and brothers and sisters and me. She has danced this circle with us her whole life, learned from us all and tasted a little of every heart. She has joined us all together within this circle.
Now here she is about create her own life and you and your girlfriend still decide her circle isn’t that important. You devalue every soul the divine has given her to guide her path. You assume her path is yours, he assumes the same. Yet no one, sees her path is her own. You relive your distaste of fatherhood through her in resentment and bitterness and he looks for himself to be reflected in her eyes. Your girlfriend takes from life the sweetness of her own fathers memory but denies the importance of his to Juliet in hypocrisy. In his refusing to accept your lifestyle, you refuse to accept him to his daughter. The circle continues….
My part in this circle only matters to her and I. She and I dance together acknowledging the sadness of the others within the circle. The healing that is needed and the understanding that time is not what we think it is. Sometimes she pulls close to one of us and other times she faints away. There are shadows in the circle. You and your girlfriend swim all around them and often times try to use them to separate her from the others in the circle. You hope to weaken the circle but not understanding you weaken her path in the process. You keep her from being confident and strong and able. Through emotional tug of wars she is pulled apart and learned a way of fear that will forever be hers. So she goes along and she learns, how to use the shadows to recreate what she has learned. Then you and your girlfriend and him, y'all look amazed when what she has become is everything that you are.
All the gifts in tow that you lay at her feet will never measure the character you bestow. All the fears you cling to of separation will never put her heart at rest, she will run. I ask myself what if you and your girlfriend really don’t care about this little life and where she's headed. What if you really don’t want anything but dishonesty and contempt to ooze from her heart. Then all my words here seem in vain and not even God himself can wake you up to see, your only enemy is within your own heart. How often the sins of the mother and father get thrown in the lap of the child. The child picks them up and has to learn her own walk and what tools have you supplied her with? The open mind you swore she would have with the exception of closing it to anyone but you? The disrespect for her father that you have for your own? How are any of these tools gonna make her heart sing? How will she find her purpose among all the ashes?
Release her. Release her from your hate, your sting. Release this little one and let her have her wings. She dreams, such dreams of freedom from this circle. This circle that was meant to protect and guide and now she finds this circle her cage. You fight for independence and to be seen to be valued. How can this be in tearing apart her circle? There are others in this circle with you, your girlfriend and her father. I speak for them, for us, that have certain jobs with this little one that no one cares about. Look through our eyes just once. Everyone is losing her. Soon she will fly away. The one that changes their life , the one that decides the hate must stop, that’s the one… the one that really loved her.
