Downloading for the day

THOUGHTS

 It's been kind of a weird past few days being under the weather and all.  I feel a little like my life has stopped, I mean a complete stand still.  It's been good though you know, like I've had time to think and boy, have I thought.

...I've thought about the upcoming winter and how unbearable it seems to me right now.
...about different places and what they must be like and if they know community unlike here.
...I've thought about my faith, my teachings and my family and not all in that order but most in equal depth.
...I've thought about old friends and how I miss them and new friends I'm excited to know.
...I thought about my childhood, the good, bad and in-between.
...I remembered this and that and stuff I thought I forgot and even the stuff I deliberately threw away.
...I have spent time day-dreaming about what it would be like to be this or that or to just change completely and choose fun instead of money.  I thought I might live longer if I did that.
...I thought about Charlie and Jupiter and how God has blessed me with do overs and 2nd chances even when I never thought I would have one.
...I've wondered how to make a smoothie, any smoothie that actually taste good cause I haven't found one yet.
...I've thought about work and the new year and just how will I sit and perform without true love for it or even the slightest passion.
....I think about the audio book I'm listening to in my car on Grace and how my name means "harvester of Grace", how I know I don't deserve it but I can see it throughout all of my life.  How my mama thought she was naming me after a soap opera star but the good Lord said different.  That tickles me a bit.
...I think about how torn I am sometimes between the world of yoga and the world of christianity.  Feeling so deep down like I struggle to really understand my moments with God without yoga.  I just don't get the boundaries people put on the traditions of men and call them all of God.  When I move and breathe and let go, he is all around me.
...I think about my sisters out in the world doing their own thing, fighting through life and choosing so many things other than family.  Makes me wonder how many people needed or wanted me in their life that I just threw away, based on how much I need my sisters in mine. It definitely makes me think twice about the needs of others and giving of myself seems the least I can do.
...about how Justin laughs when he gets so tickled and that may be the one thing about him that has never ever changed since being born.
...where will I end up and what will I be doing and at this very moment am I ok, really ok?  All the loneliness in the world isn't covered by love but only by Grace...

-xoxo

Teresa Ann