Free Thinking...

     A hearty good morning to everyone as I begin this week with these things stuck in my head.  First, will this whole foods diet kill me?  Oh this is not a diet per say to lose weight.  This is just a whole foods diet to help my body absorb some nutrients.  I promised myself I could do one week of nothing but whole foods, no cooking oils and no unnatural sugars or fats.  Well, I blew it this morning with my Hardee’s biscuit, but you get the idea.  Starting over…now.  
     
     Another thing on my mind is will I survive my internal audit at work this week?   Am I taking good enough care of my shorkie? Not necessarily in that order.  Actually, my sweet little Charlie is always first on my mind.  I haven’t decided yet if having a dog is helping my stress or causing me more since I think about and worry for the little fellow more than I do my own children.  This compelling sense that I’m all he’s got on this earth and I better do a good job with his little life cause the good Lord is watching.  I lean more toward the good of this tug of war in my mind because I could never give up his kisses, his cuddly fur, his quirky little character flaws that nobody seems to get but me sometimes.  So, as you can see he occupies a huge piece of my everyday thought…and the world assumed I was spending my time taking out my enemies and world dominion.  ha!
    
      I also recognize over the past few days, weeks, months or so, the thought of remaining in the great state of Tennessee spreads a layer of thick boredom and certain death over my entire being.  Oh I know that raise is coming and that job I’ve been dying for that will provide a certain comfort which at 43 I should seriously consider.  I mean it’s not like I haven’t always seen the “what I should do”, verses what “I want to do”,  always choosing the latter.  Something happened to me these past ten years, snuck up on me and now I’m like wtf?  I find myself doing more of what I should and less of what I want.  It’s given me great approach and acceptance from others that I’ve never had in my life but I look around searching for myself and honestly, I’m no where to be found.  There are some of us  who were just born to rock the boat.  
    
      I’m thinking about my trip at the end of this month to Arizona and somewhere beneath the layers of my psyche wonder if I can get rid of all my possessions by time to go and when I get there, say “surprise."  "I’m not going back."   I mean they do it in the movies all the time right?  A knowing arises that I don’t think my husband, or anyone, would really be that surprised if I did.  So, in the completion of this mental warp,  I’m wondering what exactly got me stuck and what exactly do I need to get me going again?  Well, no matter the cause or cure, at least I hear the call of an old familiar friend whispering in my hear, “hurry up, life is waiting!"